Adam and Eve in the Garden by Michelangelo
If this is the first time you have visited this website asking the question ‘why am I here?’ you need to click on the link Why am I Here and then go to the first blog Does God Exist: Is There Such a Place as Heaven and read the blog posts in order. Don’t take them out of sequence as that can bring about misunderstanding. I am taking you through the many steps to a full understanding of Who you are, and Why you are here, and What it is all about.
This blog post I am breaking the story of Abraham, because I have had so many comments attached to the blog post ‘Does God Exist – and is There a Heaven’. So many of you have made comments over this blog post and asked me do I truly know that God exists, and how do i know that God exists. I am sorry this is a long blog post, and there is no you-tube video.
Simply the answer is that He has opened my eyes to His truth, and opened my ears so that on one occasion I actually heard His voice. How do I know it was God’s voice, and not my own thoughts, well He told me a truth about myself, that I didn’t know and wasn’t even considering. We have three voices in our head, the loud voice that accuses you and tells you, you are no good, is the enemy’s voice – we call him the accuser of the brethren, and that describes him, and helps you to discern his voice.
The other voice is your own thoughts, and this is a difficult one as it is sometimes hard to distinguish between your voice and the still small voice of the Holy Spirit within. When you come to a saving knowledge of Jesus our Saviour, and have made a full commitment to follow Him wherever he takes you, to do your best to follow Him and be obedient to His commands, He gives you His Holy Spirit to come and live within you and it is the Holy Spirit within that helps you to change. Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship, and it is the Holy Spirit within that makes it so different from religion, where you have to do the work to become good enough for heaven.
I was in my early forties when a very big change came into my life. I came from Cape Town at the age of 30 years, to marry my second husband Cliff, I had two children from a failed previous marriage. Cliff worked abroad for the first 13 years of my marriage, with a short break of 18 months when Cliff was made redundant. We had had a baby together, and he was 9 months when Cliff came home for the first time. Because of the nature of Cliff’s work there was no financial help for us, so the following 18 months were extremely difficult. But God was good (even though I wasn’t following Him at that time) I got a job with an Insurance firm, doing data control, something I was used to doing in Cape Town.
Cliff was re-employed 18 months later, and I was able to give up my job and go back to being a full-time Mum at home, but on my own as Cliff worked abroad. It wasn’t easy but when we saw each other it was very special, like a little honeymoon every few months for a week or two.
I had a serious health problem, I suffered from cluster migraines, they came daily for two month’s at a time cycle. The pain was acute and the doctors tried every medication that was out at the time, and in the end they told me not to come back and bother them, because they couldn’t help me, I would have to live with these dreadful headaches. The pain was acute, it was due to a blood vessel dilating on to an optic nerve. I was given medication called Cafergot Q, which was a mixture of caffeine and ergotamine, and this had a dreadful side affect on me, it narrowed my blood vessels in my head as well as my body. I knew there was something wrong because i was losing my ability to play the piano, I was a grade 8 pianist, which is the highest exam an amateur could achieve, but my ability to play the piano was diminishing and what was once a joy, just became very hard work.
When I turned 42 years of age we decided that Cliff would give up his overseas work because Daryl our youngest son was re-acting badly to not having his dad at home. I couldn’t really manage him, he has a very strong will, and was starting to not want to go to school. The old tummy-ache syndrome. Cliff came home, but Norwich is not a city that had much work for a petro-chemical-engineer. Cliff got the best job he could get in the circumstances, but it nearly killed him. He became a boiler man in a factory, and during summer he was to sweep the factory floor. Prior to this he was working in Kuwait as a start up maintenance engineer, in a petroleum-gas plant, one of the first in the Middle East. Later on he got work as a technician in the local hospital, where he was much happier.
There were several great tensions in the home as a result of Cliff’s return from abroad. First I was so used to running the home, and taking all the decisions needed for looking after three children, two dogs and an acre of garden, and my Mother, who after the death of my Dad had come to England to live near the family and I.
The other tension was Cliff needed to learn how to live in a family with three active children, two being teenagers. He also had the added difficulty of a salary that was instantly halved, and to make things worse he had to ‘learn how to sweep a factory floor.’ Added to that we were both out to work, and you know how much tension that can create, when two parents are out to work, and there are children and dogs to be taken care of.
The tension was so great in our home, I couldn’t get things right, what ever I did was wrong, and that is an awful place to be. But God was working things out for us both, even though it seemed that our marriage was heading for divorce. Matters came to a head when I went to the Doctor for depression, I was afraid that when depression came all over me that I would actually commit suicide.
My doctor told me that I was to either consider divorce as he didn’t want to listen to my tale of woe for the next 30 years, or else consider God and getting help from above. I thought about that and made a decision that I wouldn’t get a divorce until Daryl, at that time 11 years old, turned at least 21 years of age. I knew the damage that is done to children when a marriage breaks up, I had already experienced that, and couldn’t do it to my family again. I would just try on soldier on for the next ten years and do the best I could.
In my 44th year, I was given a book called ‘God Calling’ by the Two Listeners. I had never read anything like this. Jesus just stepped out of the pages for me. It seemed whenever I read this book that it would be something I needed to hear right at that moment in time, and it wasn’t long before I asked Jesus to come into my heart and change my life and help me to commit my life totally to Him. But I didn’t want to go back to the former church I used to attend.
At the same time my eldest daughter Bonnie had gone to music college in London, had met up with a girl called Rachel and she saw something in Rachel that she wanted. Rachel told her she was a Christian and Bonnie gave her life to the Lord there and then. She started praying for the family and it was her prayers that kept me going during my dark time and who knows, probably opened my eyes to Jesus.
Bonnie didn’t complete her studies at Trinity College of Music, she had contracted pleurisy quite badly and couldn’t play her french horn and was told she could no longer continue her studies as a result. She stayed on in London and got a job working for the Job Center, and thoroughly enjoyed her work. Then she felt God tell her, she must give it all up and come home and help me to become truly saved.
We started going to a Church in Norwich which Bonnie had been advised to attend, it was called Mount Zion, and I knew the moment I entered that this was a completely different church to any I had ever attended. Somehow I could sense the Presence of God in the House. There was such love there, and you never knew what was going to happen. Sometimes the meetings were so anointed it was hard to come back to earth after the meetings. Sometimes I thought I could smell the Lord’s fragrance, I was used to an incense burner in my previous church, and would look for someone using a burner, but there would be no-one there just the wonderful fragrance of incense. People would speak in tongues (their heavenly language) and others would give the interpretation. Once a lady sang in tongues and the interpreter sang the answer back, and that to me was absolute evidence that the messages were from God Himself. Often the messages were exactly what I needed to hear. My attitude started to change, slowly, very slowly but surely, and the change in me wrought about a change in the tension between Cliff and myself.
I was only a Christian about three weeks, when I felt the Lord say to me “why do I denigrate the blood of Christ’ and use the name of ‘Christ’ in vain? As a girl, who had attended boarding school, my spoken language was full of ‘bloody, damn, blast etc’. I knew that my language wasn’t really acceptable, but I hadn’t realized that using the word ‘bloody’ was denigrating the work Jesus did on the cross. I thought about it, and then realized no-one denigrates the name of Allah, or Buddha or any other religion, and that made me realize that the Christian faith was different to other religions. I stopped swearing and now I can’t bear it when I hear foul language used and Jesus’ Name taken in vain, and it is foul language, it isn’t clever and it just denigrates a person to use it.
We were taught that we were saved ‘by Grace’, and not by works. In other words, Jesus did a complete work on the cross, we can relax from the burden of trying to be good enough for heaven, because we can’t ever be that good. He says, ‘My yoke is easy and My burden is light’. We were taught to have a relationship with God through Jesus, and that our walk with Jesus would be much easier if we spent good time with Him, reading our Bible and talking to Him (called praying). In time I found that it wasn’t an effort to spend time with the Lord, that I really enjoyed our time together. I have fought many a battle in prayer, and had some amazing answers to prayer, too many to list in this blog post, but I will say this, for the big prayer requests I always asked other people to help me pray, I soon realized that there was something special about two or more praying in unison.
In 1988, during the summer holidays, the church held a convention, and a lady from USA (although she is originally from the UK) called Sister Laity Thomas was the main speaker at the convention. One evening she told us that God had told her He was going to heal all those suffering from Migraine. Yes, I was still a migraine sufferer, and it really affected my life. By this time I was playing the piano for a School of Dance, but really struggling to play properly, and couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. When Sister Laity Thomas gave the call, I couldn’t wait and rushed up to the front. I had never been in a healing service before and had no idea what to expect. I was still a new Christian, only really starting my Church life in 1986. Well, Sister Laity Thomas laid ‘hands upon my head’, I can’t really say I knew what happened next, but I was flat on my back on the floor, almost unable to move, and I knew when I got up on my feet that I was healed. I was completely convinced of that fact, even though at the time I didn’t have the evidence, in other words at the time of the healing I wasn’t suffering an attack that was miraculously healed.
Two months later, my son Craig was involved in a head-on car accident. He was traveling to Birmingham to see the motor show. It was 6.50am and he and his friend Stephen had just passed a place called Red Lodge, he was driving at about 65 miles per hour, and rounded a corner, and there was a car directly in his path. That car was overtaking at the time, and couldn’t get back to his side of the road in time. They hit head on. The driver of the other car was killed outright, and his wife, sitting on the back seat, died two months later.
Craig was trapped in the car, it had to be cut into three pieces to get him out. The car caught on fire, and Stephen, who was suffering from concussion, got out of the car and found someone with a fire extinguisher, and they nearly put the flames out, when the extinguisher became empty. The flames started up again, and then there was a ‘man with a bucket of water who was walking along the road’. Those words were Stephen’s words describing what happened. I have never seen anyone walking along that road, which is the main Norwich to London Road, and we travel it quite frequently. The water did completely put the fire out. I will always think that that man was in fact Craig’s guardian angel.
As I said he had to be cut out of the vehicle by the fire engine. Next there were two ambulances racing to the scene. One was from Addenbrookes, a large hospital in Cambridge, and one was from Bury St Edmunds, the nearest hospital to the scene of the crash. The ambulance from Bury got to Craig first, and there just happened to be the best surgeon in England for reconstructing knees. Craig’s left knee was very badly damaged, the tibia came right through the kneecap, and the kneecap was broken into pieces. If he hadn’t been wearing denim jeans he would have lost his leg. Craig suffered 24 fractures in the accident, but the Lord allowed me to see Craig, when for five minutes he was lucid after surgery, before he was put under morphine for another week.
We had another scare two days later, the doctors wanted to look at Craig’s knee under anaesthetic, to check and see if gangrene had started as the injury was so severe. He had been prepped, ready for the op, and we were sitting at his bed-side. We had had to give permission for the Doctors to remove the leg if necessary. It was two pm and there was no staff around, (staff changeover I believe), suddenly Craig said one sentence ‘I am off to the moon in my flying machine’, and at that moment the Ward Sister walked in, she listened, took a blood sample and stopped the operation. Craig didn’t have enough oxygen in his blood to withstand the anaesthetic and would have become a vegetable if the operation had gone ahead. The wonderful grace of God and the prayers of the entire Church.
Bury St Edmund is 50 miles away from Norwich, I was driving there daily to be with Craig, but still had to go on and play the piano for the School of Dance. Fortunately that term we were putting on a show at the Theatre Royal in Norwich, so I wasn’t doing that much playing, more helping the children learn their dances. I myself was performing, and to this day I’ll never know how I got through it all. However I was due to start my Migraines on Christmas Day, but I knew that I had been healed. However I was under great stress at the time, Craig was at Bury St Edmunds Hospital for two months and then was transferred to Norwich just before Christmas. That was a great relief for all concerned. I never got the expected migraine attack, although for two months I would get a little pain around the eye, and I would declare the Words from the Bible ‘By His stripes I am healed,’ Isaiah 53 v 5 and the pain would disappear. I have never had another migraine since that time. I was completely healed and only God could do that for me.
That was the first time I was healed. I had another healing six years later. Amazingly it was Sister Laity Thomas that laid hands on me again and prayed for the healing. This time it was for angina. I had suffered a heart attack when I was 53 years because I had found my mother dead on her flat floor. It was a dreadful shock, and exactly a month later I had a heart attack. This left me with angina, quite severe angina, and I found it curtailed my life and I also lost confidence in life itself. I was worried I would have another attack, and maybe die, Especially since I had lost a very good friend who had a heart attack and didn’t make it. As a Christian we don’t fear death any more, but I don’t want to die until I know that my boys, who are still in the land of the enemy, are safely on the road to life.
The Friday before my healing on the Sunday, I had gone down to the bottom of my garden. We have quite a decent size river at the bottom of the garden, and the river was in flood. We had just build a jetty and had floored it with twelve scaffolding planks, but they were not secured. I knew that if I didn’t get them off the jetty they would be washed away and then the jetty wouldn’t be of any use. So very early in the morning I donned my wellie boots and got onto the jetty. I pulled all twelve planks of the jetty and dragged them up the garden out of harms way. But it left me with a heart that literally ached, like sore leg muscles ache if you have run too far.
The following Sunday Sister Laity Thomas was back in our Church, and I asked her to lay hands on me and ask God to heal my angina. She did so and asked God to ‘open my blood vessels’. This time I didn’t go out in the Spirit, and I didn’t feel any healing energy around me, in fact my heart continued to ache for another three days. I thought , ‘Oh Lord you didn’t do it for me this time’.
During the week Judy, teacher of dance, said to me ‘there is something different about you, you are looking at the children and taking your eyes off the music’. Then when I went into church people said to me, that I look so well, that there was something different about me, so I said I have just started a new diet, it must be working.In the middle of the meeting, we experienced what we call a ‘holy hush,’ when everyone just sits still, bathed in the Lord’s love, even the atmosphere changes, it almost feels like the Holy Spirit is covering us, it is something you cannot put into words, but it is awesome. During this hush, I heard clearly the words, “It was I who opened your blood vessels”. I realised two things. God had spoken to me, because a) I didn’t know that my blood vessels were shut in my head, but they were because Judy had noticed that I wasn’t needing to keep my eyes glued to the music as I had been doing. I also knew that the Cafergot Q was instrumental in doing this. However it still took a few months before I risked getting the necessary checks done to say that I was cured of angina, and they all came back positive, and I have never had another attack of angina ’til this day. I checked out the ingredients of Cafergot Q, and found that they are both caffeine and ergotamine, and of course ergotamine is given to women who have had a baby, to stop her haemorrhaging because it narrows the blood vessels.
By the way Cliff and I are still married, I cannot imagine life without Him. He is my best friend as well as my husband. We celebrated our 41st wedding anniversary last year. I am so grateful that I didn’t divorce him, I can’t believe the enormous change in both of our lives. He gave his life to the Lord in 2005, another incredible story of the Lord’s goodness to Cliff and myself.
We have gone through much trial and tribulation, but are learning through it all that God is always there for us, that He puts us through these tests for both purification purposes and to enable us to go deeper into Him and the things of Him. No, we aren’t Throne Room Christians, like Sister Laity Thomas. But we have gone through the Gate (Jesus) and we are on the Path that leads to Life, and the more we surrender our life to Him, the more we Trust and Obey Him the closer we get.There is only one place to be, and that is in The Secret Place of the Most High, because there you are under the shadow of His Wings, and under His Protection. I long to be there, because there you receive the anointing so when you lay hands on people they will be helped. I long to see His Face and all of His beauty, to see His Grace and all of His Glory, that is my cry Oh Lord, my hearts desire Oh God, to see Your Face and know Your Grace, that is my cry.